Safe Sanity
by MiaWeasley
Summary: After Voldemort returns, the mind connection between him and Harry turns to full blast, leaving Harry torn between dreams and reality.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
It had been 3 months since Voldemort returned. Harry was back at school now, beginning his fifth year. It wasn't the same as it had always been. He didn't feel nearly as happy as he used to, walking through the big oak doors, sitting in the common room with his friends. Now he felt tense and worried. He spent most of his free time sitting on his bed, just thinking. Last night he had woken up 5 times, each time covered in sweat with images of the dream he'd been having flashing through his mind. He often woke up about 3 times each night, but 5 was a record. It was always the exact same dream as well, the dream about the graveyard, about Cedric's death, just replaying in his mind each night. The lack of sleep left him pale with dark circles under his eyes, which his friends seemed to notice. It was becoming a routine for Harry every night, but it was only when he started having dreams in the day that he began to worry.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
"He's an arse Harry, ignore him," Ron told him. He and Ron were in the toilets after running in to Malfoy, who took pleasure in reminding Harry of what had happened before summer.  
"Yeah, but I swear, next time I'm punching him in the face."  
"I'm not stopping you."  
"What do we have now?"  
"Potions."  
Harry groaned, "well, I haven't done the homework, but he can sod off."  
"That's the spirit."  
"C'mon."  
Harry turned to leave the toilets, but as he faced the mirror, he jumped backwards in shock. Turning back to the mirror slowly he decided he must have imagined seeing himself with those piercing red eyes.  
"What the hell was that about?"  
"N - nothing, I thought I saw..something."  
Ron still looked unsure.  
"Erm, well come on then, we'll be late."  
It turned out Harry did get a detention for not doing his homework, which left him and Ron ranting about their loathing for Snape.  
Exhausted, but glad that it was the end of the day, Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking along the corridor back to the common room. Suddenly, Harry heard a voice echoing through the corridor, a merciless, cold voice.  
"It might even be painless...I would not know...I have never died..."  
Harry stopped dead in the middle of the busy corridor, causing several people to bump in to one another.  
"Harry, what the-?" Hermione began.  
"Who was that?" he asked, Ron and Hermione exchanged a nervous look.  
"Who was what?" Hermione asked cautiously.  
"Who said that?"  
Harry was now looking all around the corridor, which was now emptying, searching for whoever said it.  
"Harry, mate, we've got no idea what you're on about."  
Harry didn't really feel like repeating what the voice said. He might not have even heard anything, it was probably just a flashback.  
"Harry, who said what?"  
"Erm, nothing, it was probably my ears messing up or something."  
"Okay," Hermione said, still looking uneasy.  
Harry, still feeling like something strange was happening, went back to the common room. He felt too tired to do homework, so instead sat with Ron and Hermione in the armchairs by the fire with his eyes closed. Just as he was getting comfortable, when several things happened at once. Harry's scar seared painfully, but Harry couldn't deal with it because an even stranger sensation was taking over. He felt like he was spinning, very fast, the same sensation he felt when he was traveling by portkey. He opened his eyes, but his vision was blurred, he couldn't even hear Ron and Hermione calling his name. After a few seconds, the spinning stopped, his vision returned, but the pain in his scar remained. He was lucky there were few people left in the common room.  
"Harry!"  
Harry looked up, Hermione's shocked face was inches from his own.  
"W- what happened?" he asked, feeling extremely sick.  
"What happened? You were going mental is what happened!"  
"Ron! Well, you had your hands on your head and you were moaning, a- are you alright? What happened to you?"  
What was he supposed to say? The room started spinning? No, that would sound ridiculous, he decided his best bet was to make something up.  
"Im not feeling too good, I just felt kind of dizzy."  
Not feeling too good was an understatement, he knew he was going to throw up.  
"Oh god..."  
He ran out of the common room, hand over his mouth, and sprinted through the dormitory to the bathroom. He barely made it, as his vomit filled the toilet, Ron and Hermione came in.  
"Oh Harry, we'll take you to Madam Pomphrey in a minute," Hermione said softly, rubbing his back soothingly. Harry didn't object, he felt he was about the vomit up his organs. When he had stopped, and with Ron and Hermione looking sick themselves, the three of them went down to the hospital wing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Madam Pomphrey insisted on keeping Harry for the night, he would just have to do Snape's detention another day. He was given a potion for a dreamless sleep, meaning he woke up the next day having just had a full night's untroubled sleep, for the first time in months. He was alright to go for breakfast and was pleased to see Ron and Hermione had saved him a seat at the table.  
"Harry! How are you feeling?" Hermione asked as soon as he was seated.  
"A lot better, actually. Thanks for sorting me out."  
"What d'you reckon was wrong with you?" Ron asked with a mouthful of sausage.  
"Nothing was _wrong_ with him, he was ill, it happens to everyone."  
"So, you're definitely okay now then?"  
"Yep."  
Harry couldn't shake the feeling though that something _was_ wrong with him. He was scanning his memory back to yesterday. He remembered the reflection in the mirror, his own face but with gleaming red eyes, but he decided that it must have been the trick of the light or just his imagination. Then he remembered the voice, reciting what Voldemort himself had said to him, in the same cruel, cold voice. He decided to put all of that behind him and blame it on the fact that he was ill.  
The day was going past slowly, Harry had been told of by three different teachers for nodding off in lesson. He still felt queasy by the end of the day, but decided to go down to dinner anyway. He, Ron and Hermione were at the bottom of the staircase to the entrance hall when Harry heard a whisper, very close to his ear. It was a teasing, snakelike voice that sent a chill running through him, it only said one thing, "Harry.."  
Harry turned, prepared now to catch whatever it was. He instantly regretted turning round, because what he was looking at almost made his heart stop. The other Harry was standing at the top of the staircase, looking down on him. He seemed perfectly real, and looked identical to Harry apart from one feature, those red eyes. He only saw him for a moment because when he blinked, the other Harry was gone. The sight was gone as soon as it came. He felt like ice, and was shaking from head to foot in shock. Was that a real person? Surely not. It seemed more likely that it was a hallucination, a horrible one too. This time he couldn't say it was his imagination, and he couldn't blame it on his illness, because that was nearly gone. He had seen it clear as day, and he couldn't think of an explanation. His mind was so filled with thoughts and shock he had to be shaken back to reality by Ron.  
"Harry! Harry!" Ron and Hermione shouted in panic.  
"Yeah?"  
Harry's voice was barely more than a whisper, his throat and mouth had gone very dry.  
"Harry, what's wrong?"  
Harry couldn't tell them, and even if he wanted to, saying that he saw another version of himself would make him sound mental, even though he probably was. His stomach felt empty, but he definitely couldn't go for dinner now, he needed answers.  
"I - I'm not hungry, I'll see you later," he told them both in a shaky voice, and before they could question him further, he pelted as fast as his shaking legs could carry him up the staircase around the corner. He found himself constantly looking around as he walked back to the common room, his ears strained to hear the voice again, but nothing came. The common room was empty, he sat down on the sofa and began mulling through the events over the last couple of days. His reflection in the mirror hadn't been the trick of the light, he had seen it clearly, just like he had heard those voices, but the thing was, nobody else could see or hear anything. Harry was becoming used to hearing and seeing things that nobody else could, but there had always been an explanation, the voice in his second year had been a basilisk, the Thestrals could only be seen by people who had seen death, those were real things. But this time, maybe it was all happening inside his head. He knew it had something to do with Voldemort. It was the same cold voice he kept hearing, and Voldemort himself had the red eyes he kept seeing on his own body. Had Voldemort somehow planted these hallucinations in him? Was Voldemort getting them as well? Or was it not affecting him, it was just all in Harry's own mind? Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, Harry went through every possible answer until the common room began filling up again. To Harry's annoyance, Hermione and Ron were two of the first people to come in. They went straight over to him and sat down.  
"Would you mind explaining to us what that was all about?" Hermione asked sharply.  
"I told you, I wasn't hungry."  
"Bollocks," Ron said, "you were staring at the same spot for like an hour before you snapped out of it."  
"Harry," Hermione began in a much softer voice, "whatever it is, you can tell us."  
"It's nothing," Harry said straight away, "I'm just tired and don't feel great, so I'm a bit all over the place."  
"You don't say."  
"Look, Harry, I think you need some rest."  
That was about the only helpful thing Hermione had said all day.  
"Yeah, okay."  
"I'll be up in a bit Harry, I'm knackered myself," Ron said, yawning.  
Harry got dressed and ready in the empty dormitory as quick as possible, even though it was only 9 o'clock. At least that gave him some peace for a while, as nobody came up to bed until at least 10. But Harry didn't want to sleep, even though he was exhausted, no, he wanted to find out what was happening to him. So, regretfully, he thought back to everything that had happened in the third task, in the graveyard and everything afterwards, trying to find an answer. Nothing. After about an hour, and beginning to feel as though he wanted to rip his hair out, Harry faked being asleep and Ron, Dean, Seamus and Neville came up to bed.  
"Why's he asleep so early?" Seamus asked loudly when the four of them entered.  
"Keep your voice down you idiot, he didn't feel very well," Ron whispered.  
"He don't look it, neither."  
The four boys tried to get ready quietly, which Harry appreciated, but he could hear Neville snoring before he had even drifted off. Getting sick of trying to find an answer, Harry's heavy eyelids began to close...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
_Harry was standing in a small, dusty room, looking into the only thing inside it, a big old mirror, with cracks running through it. His refection was staring at him with unblinking, red eyes with no pupils. _  
_"Look at me..." Harry spoke in the cold voice of Lord Voldemort. His eyes turned from red to jet black, with a surge of anger, Harry punched the mirror in the place where his face was until it smashed, leaving cuts on his hands and fingers. He fell to the ground with a blinding pain, not just in his scar, but it his whole head, and screamed in his own voice-_  
"HARRY!" several voices shouted. Harry didn't know who was shaking him awake. He was drenched in cold sweat, and couldn't control his shivering. He put his glasses on and looked up at the four, scared looking faces of his four room mates.  
"W- what happened?" Harry only just managed to ask.  
"You could ask anyone in the Gryffindor tower that, it seemed like they all heard you-"  
"Shut up Seamus, you're not helping."  
"What do you mean, 'heard me'?"  
"I mean, you were shouting your head off!"  
"Harry, you don't look good mate-"  
"We should get a teacher-"  
"Neville, could you go wake up McGonagall-"  
"No, don't do that, really guys, it's okay. I just had a nightmare."  
"Yeah, we guessed."  
"I just need to clean myself up a bit and get a drink," he said, regaining his voice, "I'll be back in a minute."  
"Are you sure you don't need a teacher-?"  
"I'm sure."  
He got up and went in to the bathroom, locking the door. He stared in the mirror, this time thankful he had his own eyes, and began replaying the dream he just had. He had been Voldemort, he had spoken in his voice, but Voldemort never had black eyes. He had gotten angry and smashed the mirror and his hands... Harry had only just noticed how much his hands stung, and felt his stomach drop as he was that they were covered in cuts, real cuts. He looked down at the sink, he had gotten blood all over it. He rinsed the blood off his hands, trying to come up with some reason as to how they had managed to get this way from his dream. He had no sharp objects near his bed, nothing that could have done much damage. Then again, he could have used his teeth, just to avoid accepting the fact that he was going insane, he decided that he had bitten himself in his sleep, unaware of what he was doing. Then, he heard voices coming from his dormitory, girl's voices.  
"What's wrong? What happened?" Hermione asked frantically.  
"Harry had a nightmare, we think."  
"Well, where is he?" Ginny demanded.  
"He's in the bathroom, just give him some space for a bit, though."  
Oh god, everyone really had heard him, and it wasn't going to be kept quiet. He splashed his face with cold water, it felt nice and soothing for his hands and his face. His hands had stopped bleeding, but they were still covered in cuts. Pulling his sleeves over them, he slowly unlocked the door and entered the dormitory.  
"See, told you the whole tower heard you-"  
"Seamus!" Ron hissed.  
Thankfully, the only girls that had come in were Hermione and Ginny.  
"Harry, are you okay?" Hermione asked.  
"Of course he's not okay, look at him!"  
"I am okay, it was just a bad dream, that's all."  
Harry thought back to his hands and the thought that it wasn't just a dream crept in to his mind.  
"What were you dreaming about to make you shout like that-"  
"He's not going to tell us, is he-?"  
"I still think we need a teacher-"  
"But we shouldn't bother anyone-"  
"Bother anyone? Everyone's been woken up anyway-"  
"Well that's not his fault-"  
Harry was losing his patience now, and had to shout to be heard over all the squabbling.  
"Guys!"  
Everyone stopped talking and looked at him.  
"Hermione, Ginny, I appreciate you making sure I'm okay, and I am, no - really," he said, seeing they were about to argue back, "you can go back to bed, I'm fine. In fact, everyone can go back to bed. I'm sorry that I woke you all up."  
Still after more quiet arguing, everyone agreed to go back to bed, so after hugs from Hermione and Ginny, and claps on the back from his room mates, he crawled back in to bed, not under the impression that he was going to get any more sleep, seeing as it was almost morning. In the dim light, he examined the cuts more carefully, they were in the exact places that they had been in the dream. It was getting out of hand now, it was going further than mind tricks and illusions, and Harry was getting slightly scared.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Harry checked his watch at 7 o'clock, which was the time he usually got up, but looking around and seeing that everyone else was still asleep, he realized that it was the weekend, which was a relief, seeing as he could barely open his eyes. He stayed in bed and heard everyone moving around and getting dressed.  
"D'you reckon he's alright now?" Seamus asked, looking at Harry who seemed to be sleeping.  
"Yeah, it was probably just a one off."  
The room was emptied for a while, it was at 10 o'clock that the doors opened again, and Harry felt a warm hand on his face, he slowly opened his eyes, and Ginny was sat on his bed, with Ron and Hermione stood behind her.  
"Morning," she whispered.  
"Morning."  
"How do you feel?"  
"Better," he lied.  
"C'mon, you need to eat something, we'll all go down together."  
"You didn't have to wait for me you know."  
"We need to make sure you're gonna have breakfast."  
Harry got out of bed and tried to hide the fact that he could barely stand from dizziness. After clumsily getting ready, he, Ron, Hermione and Ginny went down to the great hall, which was emptying. Harry had completely forgotten that the whole school must have known what had happened last night, so he received a lot of pointing, questioning, and laughter about it. He didn't care though, he had more pressing matters to deal with. Harry had been contemplating whether or not to tell someone about what was happeneing to him, but he couldn't think who to tell. Hermione and Ron? Dumbledore? Sirius? Although he didn't think he'd be able to put what was happening in a letter. Ron and Hermione insisted that Harry get some fresh air, which he agreed with. They went to Hogsmeade for a while, then sat underneath the tree by the lake for the afternoon. It was a relief that nothing strange had happened to Harry yet, but he doubted that it wouldn't be the end of it. After an untroubled day, he, Ron and Hermione were sitting in the common room doing homework, and Harry thought that his mind was returning to normal again, that was until he heard the voice again. It was a whisper, what sounded like Voldemort's whisper, right behind his ear, saying his name. Harry jumped up from the sofa and turned, still nothing. It wasn't as much of a shock now, but that voice still made him shiver uncontrollably.  
"What's wrong?" Hermione asked, automatically looking worried again.  
"Erm ,I think I'm going to get an early night, you know with last night I think I need to catch up on sleep."  
Hermione looked unconvinced.  
"Well, okay then."  
"Cya."  
He went as fast as possible up the stairs to the dormitory, and shut the door a little too loudly. He wasn't scared anymore, well the fear he had was now being replaced with annoyance, he couldn't focus on his friends, on his schoolwork and he couldn't get any sleep, all because of this stupid thing, whatever it was. He flopped down on his bed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He heard the door open quietly, and Ron and Hermione came in, looking determined.  
"Getting some sleep, are you?" Ron asked.  
"I, was thinking about an answer I gave in the homework-"  
"Harry, we all know you're lying-"  
"I'm not!"  
"Listen, Harry," Hermione sat down on his bed next to him, "you know you can tell us anything, don't you?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, don't take this as an offense, but you've been acting very strangely over the past couple of days, and well, we're worrying."  
"Don't be worried, please- well-"  
"Harry, just tell us what's bothering you."  
He needed to tell someone, and who better than his two best friends.  
"Okay, erm, well, t - there's something wrong."  
"Wrong? What do you mean?"  
"With me, with my mind, something's not right."  
"Mate, we're not really following you here."  
"Okay, this is going to make me out to sound completely insane, but seriously, you've got to believe me on this."  
Ron and Hermione looked frightened now, Harry thought it was best just to get it over and done with.  
"Of course we'll believe you."  
"Unless it's mental."  
"Ron!"  
"Well, it is mental, I'm mental, I - I don't know."  
"Seriously mate, get to the point."  
"I'm seeing things, hearing things, I just - I don't know what to do."  
"What things?"  
"Voldemort."  
"What? You're seeing you-know-who?"  
"No, well, I'm hearing him."  
"What, in your dreams?"  
"No, no this is in the day. I was walking down the corridor with you guys, and I heard him. He said the same thing he said in the graveyard and I keep hearing him say my name-"  
It was all coming out very fast, he found it easier to keep talking.  
"Harry, calm down. Wait, so when you were saying 'who said that?' you meant-"  
"I heard him, yeah."  
"And when you say you're seeing things?"  
"I see me."  
There was silence after this.  
"Erm, you see you?"  
"Well, it's not really me, er, okay, you know yesterday, when I said I wasn't hungry and I came back to the common room?"  
"Are you going to explain to us why you tuned out for ages?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay, we're listening."  
"I saw me standing at the top of the stairs, only, it wasn't me. I - I keep seeing me with these red eyes and - it's freaking me out."  
"Okay, so, erm, Harry I'm stuck."  
"Me too, I don't know what's happening and it's getting worse."  
"You need to go to Dumbledore."  
"Yeah, I was thinking that, d'you reckon he'll know?"  
"Probably, you should go to him tomorrow."  
"Yeah.."  
He rubbed his tired face, thankful for a solution.  
"What's that?" Hermione asked.  
"What?"  
"On your hands?"  
Before he could reply, she grabbed his hands and examined them, Harry tried to pull away but then gave up.  
"Are you gonna explain?"  
"I can't."  
"What do you mean?"  
"This is what I meant by getting worse."  
He pulled away and put his head on his knees.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"The dream."  
"What, the nightmare you had?"  
"Yeah, in the dream I broke a mirror, and it cut my hands and, well, when I woke up they, were just, there."  
Hermione clapped her hands to her mouth, and Ron let out a low whistle.  
"So, you're dream wasn't really a dream?"  
"Of course it was, it just sort of, happened."  
Harry, if you're getting hurt in your sleep you can't wait another night, go to Dumbledore."  
"No, it'll be alright."  
Ron and Hermione were both ready to argue.  
"I'll tell you what, if anything happens tonight, I promise I'll go first thing in the morning, deal?"  
They both nodded.  
"Alright, now can I get some sleep?"  
"You sure you're gonna be okay?"  
"I'll be fine."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
Hermione woke up the next morning feeling worried, and she didn't know why, but then she remembered the things Harry had told her last night, and it all came back to her. It was 10 o'clock, the usual time for her, Ron and Harry to meet in the morning. She got ready and went down to the common room to wait, as they were always later than her. Five minutes later however, only Ron came down the stairs.  
"Where's Harry?" she asked.  
"I thought he was with you."  
"Why would he be with me?"  
"Because, he's not with me."  
"What?!"  
"He isn't in the dorm, or the bathroom."  
"Did anything happen last night, with him?"  
"Well, he didn't shout or anything."  
"Erm, maybe something did happen, he's probably gone to Dumbledore."  
"You sure?"  
"No, but I'm hoping."  
"I'm not eating until we've found him."  
"Me neither."  
They went to the great hall, not to eat, but to check it for Harry, he was nowhere to be seen, and worst of all, Dumbledore was sitting at the teacher's table, along with McGonagall, so he couldn't have been with her either. They were seriously panicking now.  
"Okay," she said, thinking fast, "you go check the common room and the dormitories again, then check all corridors and empty classrooms. We haven't got very long, breakfast will be over soon."  
"Why can't we go talk to McGonagall?"  
"We can't just wander over to her and have a chat, and if we say Harry's missing and it turns out he was in the dorm all along..."  
"Yeah, then why can't we wait until they're done?"  
"Ron, I want to find him, now!"  
"Okay, if we don't find him within half an hour we meet back here, agreed?"  
"Yes."


End file.
